


The Way That I Love You

by LittleMissAgrafina



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: 5+1, 5+1 Things, All the strong females, And Ned and MJ, And just wants the best for his spiderson, As well as Pepper, Bullying, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Irondad, Mental Health Issues, Nicknames, Not anything specific but its there, Not graphic either, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Richard and Mary Parker are mentioned, Sadness, So does May, Soft Uncle Ben, Spideychelle, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony is a good dad, Ugly Duckling, Ugly Duckling References, Updating tags as I go, We stan MJ, We stan awesome Aunt May, and May, and a break, spiderson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25881502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissAgrafina/pseuds/LittleMissAgrafina
Summary: Peter Parker had a vibrant, happy presence. Anytime that he was around became brighter, happier. It was just the way it was.He was always moving, talking, just living, so when the lightness that his loved ones were so accustomed to seeing started fading, it scared them.A still silence built itself around Peter, snuffing out his usual exuberant voice. Dark and stifling.Those around him could only hope it wouldn't consume him.That it wouldn't take his smile.OrFive times that someone see's Peter struggling and one time he calls for help.
Relationships: Ben Parker & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 24
Kudos: 72





	1. Silent Stillness

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo this has been sitting in my docs since May when I first heard the song The Way That I Love You by Passenger. I listened to it and this fic idea came to me and just would NOT leave me alone and my darling Scooter3scooter can confirm that since she helped me flesh out the ideas for this baby.
> 
> But yeah, it's been sitting gathering dust and I just wanted to get this first part out. I originally wanted to finish writing the whole work and post it once a week but I lost all motivation with doing it that way. I still really want to get this done and I was hoping that posting as I write instead would help.
> 
> Massive apology for the equally long AN but I just wanted to explain a bit. 
> 
> Here ya go!

_How many times can I tell you_

_You're lovely just the way you are_

_Don't let the world come and change you_

_Don't let life break your heart_

* * *

When Peter walked into the lab Tony immediately knew that something was wrong.

  
  


He could see it in the way that Peter's shoulders were slightly hunched, the small crease between his brow, his shuffled steps rather than the way he tended to walk on the front of his feet, a bounce to his step that was a remnant of his dancing years as a younger child. There was something off about the teen's demeanor and it shook Tony.

  
  


"Kid?" Tony asked as he put down the tools and suit helmet that he had been tinkering with. "You okay?" He asked, concern filling his voice. Peter wasn't usually as quiet as this. Yes, he spoke a lot, but he was also just as comfortable with being quiet at times. Especially in the lab where he could appreciate true silence because of the soundproof walls. But even those times were filled with Peter murmuring to himself every once in a while as well as constant fidgeting. He would drum his fingers, tap his toes, hum to the music playing in the lab. There was always movement or some kind of sound from Peter so the stillness he displayed now was unnerving.

  
  


Tony's frown deepened when he only received a muttered "Hi Mr. Stark." in response before Peter set himself up at his work bench. The tension in his back and shoulders as he sat paired with the way he immediately turned his attention to the half completed project on the bench in front him clearly showing that he didn't want to talk.

  
  


Something was wrong and Tony didn't like it. He had to wait and let Peter come to him though, he refused to pressure the teen. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


The rest of their time in the lab passed in silence, Tony shooting a message to May and asking if Peter could stay the night and then picking up the call from her when he knew that Peter was out of earshot. The woman readily agreed to his request.

  
  


"Something is up with him but he wont let himself reach out." She had answered him. "Maybe a night at the tower will do him some good."

  
  


"So this weird still silence of his isn't just with me?"

  
  


He heard a soft sigh from May's side of the phone. "No, it isn't. He's had moments like this ever since he came to live with Ben and I but it's been worse lately again." The thoughts of it being her fault that she couldn't help him more went unsaid but Tony heard it.

  
  


"May," He murmured with a quiet sadness in his voice. "You have done so much for that boy. You have helped him, loved him, supported him and so much more but sometimes there are things that people just have to figure out on their own."

  
  


"You're truly something else, Tony." May said after a moment of silence. "Thank you."

  
  


To Tony's slight horror he felt his nose and eyes start tingling at the turn of conversation. "Anything for you Parkers, May."

  
  


"Go take care of our Kid, Stark." May said with a new softness to her voice that Tony hadn't heard before.

  
  


"I will."

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Peter smiled while they were watching Star Wars for the millionth time and Tony would be lying if he said that it wasn't worth it if it made Peter feel even the smallest bit lighter, he would be lying if he said that it didn't loosen something tight in his chest when he saw the smile from the corner of his eye.

  
  


When the movie finished, Peter sat quietly with a pensive look on his face. 

  
  


"Thank you." He eventually said, his eyes meeting Tony's for the first time since he arrived that afternoon.

  
  
  


Tony gave him a soft smile and asked FRIDAY to play the next movie in the sequence.

  
  


"Always, buddy."

  
  


He didn't miss the darkness returning to Peter's eyes as he faced the TV screen again.

  
  


He didn't miss it and he vowed to do what he could to help it fade, to see the brightness fill them again.

  
  


Peter would smile again one day.

  
  


A true smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual this is unedited and unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine:)  
> I also just wanna say a massive thank you to my darling Ducky @scooter3scooter for helping me with ideas and letting me ramble and talk through my ideas. You're a star, darling!💛
> 
> I don't know when I'll be updating but I do have all the chapters planned as well as the 2nd one partially written so it shouldn't be too long but no promises.
> 
> Please let me know what you think?🥺


	2. Sticks And Stones (words hurt more)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. I am soooo sorry that this took so long to update. School and work got a lot busier as well as some personal things so yeah.  
> I'm not 100% sure when the next chapter will be up since I'm gonna focus on doing Comfortember in November and I'm trying to get as much of those as I can pre-written.  
> Thanks for being patient with me!  
> I hope you like it and please let me know what you think:))  
> (Also this is very very half heartedly edited so all mistakes and typos are mine)  
> Agra

_ Don't put on their mask, don't wear their disguise _

_ Don't let them dim the light that shines in your eyes _

_ If only you could love yourself the way that I love you _

  
  
  


MJ hated it when she saw Peter shut himself off during class, that he always reigned himself in from speaking up and letting his smarts show. 

  
  


He was brilliant but he let people put him down just so that the bullies wouldn't get to others and hurt them instead.

  
  


In other words he was a selfless idiot of a genius.

  
  


But she still loved him. Okay, she was definitely not ready to say that out loud but it was true.

  
  


How could you not love someone like Peter?

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


It was during their shared AP science class that MJ first saw just how much the comments and insults got to Peter.

  
  


They'd grabbed desks at the back of the classroom and pulled them slightly closer together since Ned was at home that day because he was sick with a cold.

  
  


One reason that MJ had personally wanted to bring their desks closer was so that she could keep an eye on Peter. He'd had a rough patrol the night before and had greeted her at her locker with black rings under his eyes. 

  
  


But if anyone other than Peter asked, she would deny it to her dying breath. She had to keep up her cold and uncaring front to the rest of the school.

  
  


She cared. A lot. Even when she didn't know what to do with that information.

  
  


So when MJ saw the attacks, insults, slurs, and names that were thrown at Peter constantly, start landing and hurting him, she didn't really know what to do.

  
  


The momentary pain and hurt that flashed through Peter's eyes disappeared just as quickly as it appeared and MJ almost doubted that she had seen it. Almost. But if there was anything that she prided herself on being, it was observant.

  
  


She would sit unnoticed as those around her went on with their lives. People on the streets and in school paid no notice to her and she took it to her advantage.

  
  


Her observation skills let her see the little tells in Peter that would go unnoticed to the normal person. The muscle tightening in Peter's jaw as he clenched his teeth, the way his shoulders tensed when he felt the stares of his classmates on him, and, the one that hurt the most, when the stares became hissed insults and slurs, when he would curl into himself as a result of the words, the bullying.

  
  


With each word, each hit, MJ saw a mask start to form. An unsettling expression being built up, blank yet so  _ feeling.  _ It was haunting and she hated it.

  
  


Peter was a happy person. He was the one who smiled and laughed. The one who was always so effortlessly able to brighten a room just by being in it. 

  
  


But he had changed. A heavy cloud followed him. Some days it was brighter, almost white even, but most days it was a dark and gloomy grey as if it was seconds from rain and Peter had no umbrella.

  
  


MJ wished she could offer him one but he wouldn't take it. She had tried and he had acted as if it was all sunshine instead of the overcast that it was. 

  
  


It didn't stop her from seeing the cloud anyway and the comments during their science class seemed to push it over the edge that day. For the rest of their school day, Peter was completely silent and withdrawn, only speaking when called on directly.

  
  


MJ hated it. This wasn't her Peter and she didn't know how to help him find his way back.

  
  


But she did the best she could. 

  
  


Walking out the school gates and down the street, MJ carried on next to Peter instead of taking the turn she usually would. When Peter sent her a questioning look, all MJ did was squeeze the arm that she had linked through his and pull him towards the little cafe they liked to visit if they were there early enough before their first class.

  
  


Leading Peter by their still linked arms, MJ pushed open the little glass door and was immediately greeted with the smell of fresh pastries and coffee. With a wave to Angel, the cashier slash owner, who waved back, MJ settled her and Peter into their favourite corner booth.

  
  


A few moments later Angel brought over their regular drinks and treats. A berry tea and croissant for MJ, and a mochachino with a cinnamon doughnut for Peter.

  
  


Taking a small bite of his doughnut, Peter gave MJ a ghost of a smile from across the table but was otherwise silent. It wasn't a good smile, a kinda pathetic one if MJ was brutally honest, but it was a smile nonetheless and said smile somehow soothed the worry in her chest.

  
  


He could still smile.

  
  


Maybe the cloud hadn't darkened too much yet. It may rain and storm, but there were slivers of sunshine too.

  
  


And in those slivers MJ saw the potential for a rainbow.


	3. The Ugly Duckling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I just wanna say that I am so so so sorry that I've left this without an update for so long. A lot of stuff happened including my phone getting stolen, participating I'm Comfortember (which completely sapped my creativity after I finished), and finishing school for the year.  
> Buuut I'm back with an update now. That's good right?😅  
> I'm hoping that I wont take as long to get the next update up and I apologise in advance for my wack schedule where this fic is concerned.  
> Anyway, I hope you're all okay and that finals etc are going well/went well for those of you in school!  
> You're more than welcome to drop by my tumblr if any of ya'll wanna talk or just say hi. I go by the same user as my AO3 name:)  
> Now, before this note gets any longer, here's the update♡

_ How many times can I say _

_ You don't have to change a thing _

_ Don't let the tide wash you away _

_ Don't let worry ever clip your wings _

  
  
  


Peter could still remember the first time that he realised he could never be like the other kids he saw, how he would never be able to run as fast as them or play as roughly as they did. His legs couldn't support him enough to do it.

  
  


He remembered hearing and watching them laugh, and sing, and shout, with a part of him that waited for their breath to falter, for the wheezing coughs and sharp breaths that made his own lungs ache. They never came for the children but they always did for him.

  
  


Peter didn't understand it… his parents and Aunt and Uncle had said that he was sick and that he had to be careful with what he did, what he touched, even with what he ate, so he did all those things. He was so careful but he was still sick.

  
  


Wasn't he supposed to get better if he was careful to keep himself healthy and safe? Didn't the visits to the doctors and hospitals mean that they were fixing him, that he would get better?

  
  


Peter remembered asking Ben the question that had made his head hurt with how much he had tried to understand. How he asked Ben because he didn't have mom and dad to ask anymore.

  
  


The little boy remembered his uncle walking over to where Peter was perched on the top of his bunk bed as he fiddled with little pieces of Lego. He remembered how Ben stopped in front of the bed, leaning his forearms on the metal bar of the top bunk in front of him. How he had pushed the heavy glasses that Peter had to wear back up from where they were slipping down his nose.

  
  


"Hey there, bud." Ben said, ruffling Peter curls after straightening his glasses. "You've been pretty quiet this afternoon. What's going on in that head of yours?"

  
  


Peter rolled a Lego piece between his fingers, trying to say what was in his head but not finding the right words. With a huff he looked at his uncle. "Why am I different?" He remembered the story that he, Ben, and May had read the night before. "Why do I have to be the ugly duckling?"

  
  


Peter didn't know it then but what Ben said next would stay with him for the rest of his life.

  
  


Ben looked at him, a small smile on his face. "Well why not. Why don't you want to be the ugly duckling?"

  
  


Peter looked at the man as if he had lost his mind.  _ Why would anyone want to be the ugly duckling?  _ He thought to himself.

  
  


"Cuz he's the weird one! He's different and nobody likes him. They were mean to him. He isn't normal like the other ducks."

  
  


"No, he isn't like the other ducks, but I think that's the best part. You wanna know why?"

  
  


Peter nodded and Ben continued speaking.

  
  


"Because the ugly duckling wasn't a duck at all. He was a swan, remember? A baby one called a cygnet. He wasn't the same as the others because he wasn't meant to be the same. Do you remember what happened at the end of the story?"

  
  


Peter nodded again. "Yeah. He grew up and he turned into a beautiful, white swan."

  
  


His uncle smiled at him. "There you go. The ugly duckling grew up into a kind and beautiful swan, even after everyone else was mean to him and didn't like him. He was different but that was okay because it was who he was."

  
  


"So say that maybe you  _ are _ the ugly duckling. Is that so bad, Petey? You might be different from everyone else but that's not so bad in the end. One day you can be a swan too."

  
  


Peter gave a little sigh, dropping his lego block and turning to face his uncle. "But I don't know how to be a swan."

  
  


The man just leaned forward, his voice lowering slightly. "Do you wanna know a secret then?" He waited for Peter's nod before whispering, "The ugly duckling didn't know either. He didn’t just become a swan because he was born a swan, no, he became a swan because he believed that he could be one. Could you do that for me, could you try and believe you're a swan?"

  
  


Could he? Believing wouldn't be so hard, would it? If he and Ned could play and make believe that they were Luke Skywalker and Han Solo, then maybe he could believe that he was a swan too.

  
  


The little boy nodded and his uncle smiled brightly at him, the happiness in it making him smile too.

The man opened his arms and pulled Peter in close to him, hugging him tight against his chest.

  
  


"Thank you, my little duckling. I knew you could."

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


When seventeen year old Peter sat alone on a rooftop during patrol, his mind drifted back to feeling that he was the ugly duckling. Yes, he could do what everyone else could now, but that wasn't because of him. It was because of a random accident on a school field trip.

  
  


He had thought when he was younger that being a swan would make him able to do normal things like run and sing and play on the playground grass without his allergies acting up.

  
  


Peter now knew that it wasn't just that. He could do all that already, could do more than just those normal things thanks to his enhancements, but it didn't make him a swan yet.

  
  


As his thoughts screamed  _ ugly duckling _ at him, Peter remembered what his uncle had said those years ago and he believed.

  
  


No, he wasn't a swan yet, but one day he would be. Until then he would be the ugly duckling. For now his feathers were downy and grey but maybe that wasn't so bad. After all, it just meant that he still had time and space to grow.

  
  


One day his wings would burst clean and white, he just had to believe.

  
  


" _ I believe, Ben. I promise." _

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> As usual, this is very much unedited and I apologise for that.  
> Lemme know what you think?🥺👉🏼👈🏼


End file.
